Daryl's Heart
by DiqazonQueen
Summary: A story about Daryl Dixon and the women in his life.


After the great pizza incident of whatever year it was now, Father Gabriel and Eugene realized that they were in love. One morning, they decided to sneak out of Alexandria so they could go somewhere private and have a romantic day to themselves. They walked out of the gates and set off on their merry way, holding hands.

When they went past Daryl's swamp, they heard a strange noise. Cautiously, the lovers headed into the trees to investigate. They could never have been prepared for the scene before them.

Daryl Dixon was on his hands and knees in the middle of the clearing, getting fucked from both ends by a Muppet and an ogre. Daryl hardly acknowledged Eugene and Gabriel, just gurgled something unintelligible around Shrek's swollen pecker.

"Daryl, where's Lydia?" Gabriel asked no one in particular, because he knew Daryl wasn't in a state to respond. The priest was mildly upset that it seemed as though Daryl had abandoned his duties as a surrogate parent in favor of getting spitroasted. The poor girl needed some stability.

Eugene silently wondered what happened to Daryl's dog, but at least the canine wasn't part of the spectacle. It was the south, after all.

Big Bird smacked the back of Daryl's head with a great yellow wing as he continued driving himself into the hunter. "Keep sucking!" he demanded.

Shrek paused with his dick still rammed down Daryl's throat, farted, and gestured toward the two shocked men at the edge of the clearing. "Come join us," he burped.

Big Bird pulled a gun out of his feathers. "That was an order," he snapped.

Eugene and Gabriel exchanged a look, skeptical but knowing that this would probably be their only chance to have sex with a Sesame Street character _and_ a DreamWorks character. The best of both worlds.

"Alright." Clothes were shed and Shrek and Big Bird eyed the newcomers appreciatively, slowing their movements in both of Daryl's orifices. Shrek pulled out of Daryl's mouth and lumbered over to the priest and brainiac, belching in their faces before kissing them both with surprising gentleness.

"Cut to the chase, Shrek." Big Bird tapped his foot impatiently, having switched from Daryl's ass to his mouth. The Muppet had also sprouted two more monster cocks and spent a minute or so pushing each one between the man's lips in rapid succession before making him suck all three at once. Daryl's cheeks bulged enormously with the triple helping of Muppet dick.

Shrek obliged and pushed the Alexandrians flat on their backs with his big hands. He started slobbering on both their ding-dongs while farting and making disgusting noises like a snorting pig.

"What the hell is happening here?!" someone exclaimed. It was Rosita, and she had Siddiq with her. The two arrived just in time to see Big Bird impale Shrek's fartbox with one of his veiny niners. The tall bird wasted no time getting into an aggressive rhythm, his feathery hips slamming into Shrek's thick green derrière as the ogre orally serviced Eugene and Father Gabriel. With each thrust, Shrek ripped a booming fart, like something out of a 1909 James Joyce love letter.

"Rosita, we should go." Siddiq tried tugging her hand, but she was fixated on what they were witnessing. He couldn't tear his eyes away, either, as the five lovers started switching positions.

Rosita couldn't pass up the chance to get back at Eugene for all those times he had creeped on her. The nerd was making Stephen Hawking noises as Father Gabriel filled him with his holy BBC. Big Bird was still pounding into Shrek as Daryl struggled to insert his two-inch cocktail sausage dick into the tall Muppet. Gabriel was also being penetrated by Big Bird's second cock as he rocked into Eugene. Half of what had once made the weirdest love quadrangle of the zombie apocalypse, the ogre, and the Muppet shared a four-way makeout session as they writhed, moaned, and fucked each other. Daryl remained at the caboose - literally - as he valiantly attempted to get his micropenis into the cloaca of his much taller companion. Shrek continued farting as well as burping.

The other half of the strange love quadrangle weighed their options, rather relieved that the participants in the five-way from hell didn't seem bothered by their voyeuristic presence. They weren't about to join in, though. They were beautiful, had standards, and only eyes for each other.

"You wanna fuck?" they asked each other simultaneously.

_Who's watching their child?_ Father Gabriel thought to himself, again. He might have been in the thick of an orgy full of sweat, feathers, and farts, but Gabriel couldn't help but wonder who was babysitting everyone's kids. Thanks his having a blind eye and the current situation, he could barely see anything of what Siddiq and Rosita were getting up to at the opposite side of the clearing, where they were partially obscured by weeds, trees, and bushes. However, he heard the sound of a backpack being unzipped. He thought he saw a glimpse of sunlight reflecting off of a glass jar.

"That's so many more than last time!" came Siddiq's shocked voice.

Rosita laughed. "Not so scared of them now, are you? On your stomach; you know how this goes."

Suddenly, the very little of what Father Gabriel could see of them was still too much. He shuddered and focused on being in a Big Bird and Eugene sandwich, not on the depravity his ex and her baby daddy were partaking in, which was somehow worse than this extremely unconventional orgy. At least neither he nor his lovers were whipping out a funnel.

Big Bird then flapped his wings, preparing for takeoff, with cocks number one and two remaining deep inside of Father Gabriel and Shrek. Daryl finally gave up trying to fuck Big Bird and hopped on the Muppet's third dick, sighing with pleasure as it entered him. Big Bird took them on a flight all around the swamp, the two men and the ogre speared on his three enormous members like marshmallows on the ends of a stick. Eugene was at the front of the procession, stuck onto Gabriel, like Rudolph guiding Santa's sleigh.

A handful of yellow feathers rained down. One landed in Siddiq's hair. Rosita brushed it off and ran her fingers through his curls reassuringly as she emptied a jar full of spiders into the funnel that was lodged up his ass. Even Shrek didn't know what to think. His mouth fell open in shock and he produced his biggest burp yet.

Siddiq looked up at the sound, flashed the peace sign, and resumed squirming and moaning like someone with spiders up their ass does.

As Big Bird was not-so-secretly a sick bastard, flying over the couple and seeing their kinkiness turned him on even more. His three dicks all grew three inches in length, meaning that Daryl, Father Gabriel, and Shrek were now each stuffed with a foot-long cock. They moaned in unison at the extra stimulation, nearing climax.

All Eugene could think was that this wasn't what he had pictured when he heard that Rosita and Siddiq were "having fun".

"Those spiders feel good up there, baby?"

"Mmm, they're...there's so many..."

"I know. I can tell you're getting close. You always come so fast when we do this. But that's okay."

Big Bird couldn't take it anymore. Still in the air, he managed a couple more thrusts before he squawked and all three of his cocks shot streams of bird cum into the asses they were buried in. This made the owners of said asses erupt, too. Shrek gave a guttural groan, burped and farted loudly at the same time, and sprayed ogre jizz all over the ground below. Daryl grunted as a few tiny drops of white dribbled out of his micropenis. Father Gabriel shouted, "AAAAMEN!" Hozier-style as he spilled his seed into Eugene, with the same sweet shock of when Adam first came. Eugene also had an orgasm, description unnecessary. The five-way then plummeted back down into the swamp, out of steam.

Rosita wiped a tear from her eye, watching her doctor lover/lover doctor lose control, overwhelmed by the sensations the arachnids were providing him. She truly loved him and was glad she could help him cure his arachnophobia. When she knew he was about to finish, she clamped a hand over his mouth to muffle his scream and rolled him to the side as fast as she could, pulling the funnel out of him as she did so.

Siddiq medicated the grass with spurts of white that covered some serious distance. In the blink of an eye, wherever they landed, flames whooshed up, burning holes into the earth, and the ground cracked open like an earthquake had hit. But it lasted for only a split second, and soon there were new flowers blooming and baby forest animals scampering around instead.

"Are you okay?" Rosita asked Siddiq as he panted, but neither of them were fazed by what had just happened. Wasn't the first time, wouldn't be the last.

"Better than." He stood up and quickly tied back his messy hair. There were no spiders inside of him anymore. It was like they were never even there. "Let's go home and relieve Aaron of his babysitting duties. I promise I'll return the favor tonight."

The happy couple started on their way home to Alexandria, until Lydia and Dog suddenly burst out of their secret hiding place, where they had been holed up for hours after seeing Shrek and Big Bird appear out of nowhere.

"Please, adopt us!" Lydia begged.

"Lydia? Girl, where'd you go?" Daryl grunted some hours later, once everyone had cleared out of his swamp, even Shrek. "Dog? Come here, boy!"

Silence.

Daryl sighed, burped, and farted.

* * *

Alpha was going to the bathroom in some bushes. She had a little bit of diarrhea, which was actually a lot of diarrhea, and bad gas to boot. Hearing her pained groans and the constant machine gun farts, a Whisperer came up to check on her. She promptly stabbed him to death, finished her business, and got up and walked off without wiping herself.

While she was dragging the dead body back to the Whisperer camp, she noticed some yellow feathers lying on the ground. She thought it was rather odd.


End file.
